I've been trying not to marinate in depression since my grandma died in December, and having various levels of success. The fact that other things in my life are genuinely sucking (no matter how fucking lucky I really am when I put things in perspective, shitty stuff is still shitty and I think it's okay for me to not like it), some of which have been within my control and some of which have not, has not helped matters in this regard.
I'm also feeling some Rage-Against-the-Machine fatigue. Spending every day reminding myself how much bullshit is going on in the world, it's weighing on me. Rampant misogyny, lack of marriage equality, capitalist shenanigans, people living in poverty and oppression and hunger and disease and war-zones and wage slavery and toxic environments, global warming, yada yada. I'm having trouble finding a thought in my head that doesn't fill me with dread and despair. And, you know, that can't be good.
So. Plan of action: Summer Vacay.
I think I might just give myself permission to stop fighting the patriarchy, keeping up with current events, or trying to reduce my environmental impact. I don't know if I actually can pull it off anymore, but I think I'm gonna try. I'm gonna take some classes (Drumming! Pottery! Italian! Whee!), see a lot of movies, get out of town a bit, go shopping whenever I want, and see if I can't get the ulcer to chill out, the sleep to come back, and the upper back to unclench.
And if that doesn't work, well...I may just be more Goth than I thought.
Loud-mouthed liberal feminist. Anarchist knitter. Tequila-drinking artsy-smartsy fat chick. Bluesy folk-rock singer-songwriter. Rebel with too many causes. Quirky eclectic pagan poet. Paradoxical intuitive smartass. Sarcastic brainiac insomniac. You know, for starters.