FUotD Two-fer: Anthony Bourdain & Ted Nugent

Here's a link to what's crawling up my ass. I almost want to call it hate speech. Almost. Here are some of the most offensive portions...

1. Nugent: Obesity is vulgar and "displeasing to look at." Wait, Nuge - is it about health, or not?

2. Bourdain: "I'm not saying everybody should be a Victoria's Secret model...though it would be nice." 'Cause it's not the fat dudes that piss you off, is it, Bourdain? Just the chicks that aren't meeting your (dick's) physical preferences. I'm not saying everyone shouldn't be a misogynist douche....oh, wait - I guess I kinda AM saying that.

3. Nugent: "It's so ugly." Still not about health, is it, Nuge? "How dare a nation who clearly doesn't care about their health, dare ask for health care? And the obesity is the most vile, vulgar abuse of the personal responsibility of caring about your health." Ah, right. Setting aside your apparent inability to speak English, you know what's vile and vulgar? Assuming you know something about total strangers based on what they look like. In fact, I'm fairly certain there have been entire movements based on stepping away from that premise...but then, I think I read once that you're a racist fucker, too. "But 99% of the sperm whales walking the streets of this country, they got up in the morning, and they go 'I'm fatter than a fucking pig, and here's a list of things I should not do and I should not eat, and I'm doing all of them today, again.' They choose to make deadly, suicidal - not just mistakes to their own life, but you and I are paying dearly for it." Um, yeah....I can tell you're really coming from a place of caring about people's health. Fuckstick. Also interesting: I make "suicidal" mistakes every single day....and yet persist in not dying. What gives, Nuge??

4. Bourdain: "Don't block my fucking exit door, 'cause I'm coming right through you." Really? You and what army? 'Cause seriously, douchebag, try it and I will break you.

5. Nugent: "I just don't like it." My heart bleeds for you, asshole. I don't like some of your choices either, but I'm not advocating you suffer systemic prejudice every fucking moment of your life. I think your karma will probably be burden enough. "You can't eat that - you're way too fat." Wow, I never realized that if I stopped eating, I wouldn't be so fucking fat! Thanks for pointing that out to me, Nuge! On the other hand, you should shut the fuck up, 'cause you're way too ignorant. Tell you what, I'll stop eating if you'll stop talking.

6. Bourdain: "See, this is the problem. When I grew up, it was okay to pick on the fat kid in class. 'Cause you were an undesirable blobboid....Now that would be unthinkable; you have chosen an alternative lifestyle." First off, remind me when you grew up exactly? I'm confused, what with all the five-uear old name-calling (see: "blobboid"). Plus, what planet do you come from, that it's suddenly not okay to pick on the fat kid? 'Cause I'm pretty motherfucking sure that it is generally still "okay" to pick on the fat kid. The media seem to think so. Fat people seem to think so. Children, adults, and anyone who's not living under a rock (and probably a few folks who are) seem to think so. So tell me, jackhole, where do you get the idea that it's suddenly not okay to pick on the fat kid (or fat grown-ups, for that fucking matter). And, more importantly, what fucking planet do you come from that you think it should be okay to pick on ANY HUMAN BEING??

7. Nugent: "I think that everyone should be free to make choices, until that choice includes you shitting upstream from my choices....When your choices end up coming out of my paycheck, that's when it must come to a screeching halt. Because nothing I do causes your paycheck to dwindle, so the least you could do is the same respect for me." Okay, let's see if I can explain this to you, Nuge: we don't get to pick where our tax money is spent. I tell you what, though, I'll stop stealing your money by being fat if you'll stop stealing my money by supporting the military industrial complex, trickle-down economics, a completely un-just and unjustifiable bloody war, and getting your fucking religion all the fuck over my government. You stop supporting all that ignorant, oppressive, unethical bullshit....and then maybe I'll see what I can do about my share of the money all the fatties are taking from you. Plus, seriously, Nuge....do you get a paycheck anymore? What the fuck do you even DO?

In conclusion, Boring Bourdain and the Nuge-meister: FUCK YOU!!