Loud-mouthed liberal feminist. Anarchist knitter. Tequila-drinking artsy-smartsy fat chick. Bluesy folk-rock singer-songwriter. Rebel with too many causes. Quirky eclectic pagan poet. Paradoxical intuitive smartass. Sarcastic brainiac insomniac. You know, for starters.


Decisions, decisions.

So, my weekend of frolicking in the wilds of Missouri was lovely. I spent the weekend not thinking about the Big Things Afoot, which actually suited me pretty darn well. I drummed, I danced, I sang, I embraced my morning-person-ness and drank waaaaaaay too much coffeee and ate waaaaaaaay too much good food and talked-talked-talked to so many cool people. It was a really good time.

The interesting thing is that I went down expecting to pick up a djembe and really rock out. Oddly enough, after working with frame drums, djembes, and doumbeks...the frame drum is the one I find myself digging the most. It felt completely natural to me....whereas with the djembe, I felt like I suddenly had an extra arm I wasn't sure what to do with. I think, with enough practice, i could probably get the doumbek thing going....but I hereby abandon (for the moment) any aspirations to being a djembe drummer.

(Aside: I apologize for all the drum names, which may mean nothing to you if you're not up on your hand drum terminology....if it helps, wherever you see "frame drum," "djembe," or "doumbek," just mentally insert "funky hand drum type thing.")

Anyway, so, yeah, I was (and am) totally enamored of the frame drum....which actually also makes me want to go ahead and get those bodhran lessons I was contemplating...

The best part is that Monday night, when the band cancelled rehearsal due to sickliness, I wandered over to Guitar Center to get strings-n-picks, and happened to peek into the drum section to see if there was anything interesting, and wouldn't you know? They happened to have one single, solitary frame drum. On sale for $15.

Needless to say, I went ahead and picked it up and am now happily annoying my landlord practicing every night.

So. Here's the deal: my sister offered me a chance to move with her to North Carolina, live rent free, help her take care of her dogs and her home, so I could go back to college.

It's a really generous offer, and one that appeals to me on many levels - I'd get to leave the corporate world and immerse myself in learning, with the wisdom of several (many?) years in the "real world" to help me, and without many of the issues I carried with me when I went to college right after high school; I'd get to live with my sister, arguably the person I am closest to in the whole world; I'd wind up with more free time to devote to music and spirituality; I'd get chances I might not otherwise get - internships, deep study opportunities, projects, networking, all the thigns that come with college life.

Perhaps the most attractive thing I'd get, though, is a chance to re-shape my life, to bring what i do every day more into line with my values, beliefs, and desires.

Of course, this wouldn't be without downsides. I'd have to leave Chicago, a city I love and have been - despite the restlessness - looking forward to developing some roots in; I'd have to let go of my work in (this) community; I'd have to resign myself to more long-distance friendships and to having to build new friendship relationships; I'd have to abandon the band, thus wasting all of our hard work over the past six months - and take a chance that I'd find such a good group of people in North Carolina; I'd have to accept losing some of my independence by living under my sister's roof, and deal with the fact that I wouldn't necessarily be providing for myself in the way that I do now...which might be a tough adjustment for a stubborn bitch like mois.

So, to re-cap: The Pros & Cons

North Carolina Chicago
School Sister
No corporate job More free time
New challenge Less independence
Car Community
Suburban environment Friends
City environment
Stable job

Eeek. What a decision.

Right now....I'm thinking there must be a way to get the best of both worlds, a way to get the life-changing opportunity without having to sacrifice the thigns I've come to hold so dear that are here in Chicago. The biggest question is, I think, how can I find time and money to do all the stuff I want to do?

Of course, nobody's ever had to answer that question, ever. I'm so original sometimes.

No comments: