I believe in wallowing.
I believe that the best thing to do when you're sad or depressed or lonely or [insert negative emotion here], is to wallow. Dig in. Wear it on your sleeve. Dive into the suck-fest headfirst, and really, thoroughly experience it. I mean, really, we're all human and imperfect, and subject to the parade of strange and complicated shit the universe is constantly throwing our way....so feeling down is inevitable.
Staying down is not. This is why I'm an advocate of wallowing....because the sooner you jump into the cold pool, the sooner you can swim your lap, hop out, and get back into the hot tub already.
All of that is a possibly overblown way of saying that I'm feeling much better now, thanks to some good wallowing, Wednesday night's full moon eclipse in Taurus, quality time spent with good friends, seeing an excellent piece of theatrical art, co-creating a beautiful piece of music, and a really awesome Samhain. Oh, and voting to swap out the current asshole for a president who can say the word "nuclear" properly.
Is there still plenty of shit going on? You bet. But I'm making my peace with it.
Let's start this off with some recommendations. First, vote Kerry. If you do nothing else today, VOTE KERRY!
Second, if you're in the general Chicagoland vicinity, go see this show, which incidentally features a good friend who does a fucking fabulous job. It's amazing and awesome, and if you like theater even a smidge, you should get thee to this show!
Now I'd like to move on to a "what the fuck?" moment, courtesy of amazon.com's website. I surfed over this morning to do some snooping around for books and such, and the first thing I see on the site is this text:
Introducing the first defibrillator available for use in the home without a prescription. Be prepared for sudden cardiac arrest with the easy-to-use, audio-guided Philips HeartStart Home Defibrillator, available now. I'm sure there are many perfectly valid reasons and situations where one might want to keep a defibrillator on hand at home....but i would think all of these would surely be in line with getting a prescription for one. It seems to me that if you aren't able to get a prescription for a defibrillator....maybe having one on hand is sort of alarmist? I dunno, is it a little ridiculous, or is it just me?
Okay, now on to the juicy stuff.
So, over the past couple weeks, I've been up and down and up and down. My family has been driving me crazy - we've just been through an awful tragedy, then my brother loses his mind, then my family pulls together to support him, then he expresses no regret, no remorse, not even an acknowledgement that he's done anything wrong, let alone a thank you to anyone who helped him. And on top of that, when he goes to court, he gets a slap on the wrist. This is his second (third?) offense on demoestic violence charges, and he got a fine and probation. I'm happy he doesn't have to go to prison, but I hate the message this sends.....YET AGAIN in his life, my brother fucks up and doesn'thave to suffer any true consequences. It makes me sick and angry and hurt all at the same time....and worse, my neice is growing up in that environment. It's possible that she'll learn that it's okay to act like he does, and that no one will ever do anything to stop you or punish you or restrain you.
In the good news department, last week I had the tremendous pleasure of co-writing a chant that turned into a song with river112 for Chicago Reclaiming's Samhain event. Oddly enough, the inspiration was the roots we both have in Nebraska - farm country where we both have connections, but where neither of us live anymore. Although it felt quite strange to me to be writing from that angle at first....it eventually blossomed into a song that - even days out and no longer high on the writing of it - is nothing short of fucking awesome. The message is a good one, the melody is really lovely, and thanks to the way we worked together, the words are really impactful and poetic and just plain beautiful. It was a pleasure and an honor to be the vessel for that creation, and I still am amazed at it.
It's a good reminder that music is essential to my happiness and to my being.
In other good music news, the band played with a guitarist last night who fucking rocked. I'll be honest, I'm a little intimidated, because not only can the dude play....but he also messed with the PA and levels and such and got my guitar to sound good, and the mic to not sound like shit....and he had some suggestions for jazzing up a couple songs that i really dug. So, basically, he brings a lot of experience and talent to the table. Which isn't to say that I don't....I mean, I may not be able to fix a mix, but I can sing the pants off just about anything, and I write some solid songs. I really liked how things worked out....and I'm looking forward to another full rehearsal with everybody there to try some real fun stuff out and see what happens. But....we may in fact have a guitarist and how fucking cool would that be? REAL FUCKING COOL.
I'm still looking for a roomie, which sucks, but meanwhile I have the house to myself. The kitties are like furry little leeches the second I get home - I've been out and about so much lately that I think they're suffering major separation anxiety. That says something. I think I'm going to stay in Chicago for Thanksgiving...I need a break from travelling (oy, my stupid tailbone!) and from family drama. The thought of a four-day weekend where I'm just staying home and relaxing....well, it sounds like heaven to me!
And finally, if you haven't voted for Kerry yet, what are you waiting for?? Get your ass to the polls and VOTE KERRY!!!!!!!!!
Loud-mouthed liberal feminist. Anarchist knitter. Tequila-drinking artsy-smartsy fat chick. Bluesy folk-rock singer-songwriter. Rebel with too many causes. Quirky eclectic pagan poet. Paradoxical intuitive smartass. Sarcastic brainiac insomniac. You know, for starters.